How to stop a cheating husband?
I have been married for 12 years. I am 31 years old. My husband has cheated on me 5years ago, I caught him. I have since forgiven him. Now I find out that he is looking for a fling online! He created a profile to meet other females. I don’t know what to do. I consider myself a good wife, I try to take care of all his needs. We also have a 10 year old son together. Please help
Hynninen
You have no control over him….All you can do is control yourself….I think it is time to leave his cheating azz…Of course if you REALLY want to end his cheating…I think a bullet to the head would do the trick…but there are ramifications for doing this…I think you would be better off leaving him….
Helena
He’s not going to stop. Just show him the door.It’s sad but if he hasn’t learned his lesson yet he’s not going to. Just move on and let him go. You’ll be fine.
Jonna
Personally, I don’t believe that you can stop someone from cheating unless you can get to the root of the problem…which is why he wants a fling?!
I haven’t been married, but my ex of 7 yrs cheated on me the whole time because he wanted a baby. I wouldn’t give that to him. But if he wanted to cheat, he was going to.
The only way that you can fix your pain, is to move on. Give him an ultimatum…divorce, counseling, get out!
I hope that you do what is best for you and your son! That is what’s important! You don’t need to hold on to someone who is not worth holding on to. Cheating is cheating…and you can forgive, but it’s very hard to forget, especially when he turns and do it again.
I hope that things work out in your favor.
Q
Tell him that you know. If he continues with his cheating you will have to leave him. It will be hard for your son, but think of the long run. Do you want your son growing up to think that it is okay to be unfaithful, or to tolerate this behavior? Even if your son never found out about the infidelity, you taking a vocal stand against it will speak volumes, and your silence will hurt both of you eventually.
Hyypp
Janne
i’m sorry but the only way is show him the door. he is not respecting you or the relationship. you need some backbone and leave him. you will hurt but it’s for the better. he will cheat some more later.
been there and done that
good luck
Huovi
Well, I would be gone, but, as you want to stay, the way to win him back is to shower him with appreciation. Praise him for the good things that he does. Make him feel like a winner. Make time to date him again, just you and him doing something fun. Flirt with him a lot, just like you did when you first met him. Above all – talk to him calmly and rationally about what’s going on for him right now. Good luck.
Helsinki
You cannot change another person. You can only change yourself. So decide what you want and go for it. (Hopefully it includes divorcing a cheating husband.)
By the way, he doesn’t cheat because of anything you are doing or not doing. Most men cheat because it makes them feel good that they are wanted by someone else. Its like a form of empowerment.
So don’t beat yourself up. Save that for him and his attorney.
Hentinen
The ONLY person you have any control over is yourself. He is a cheater…he did it once, he’ll do it again. Why are you still with him? You’re not doing ANYTHING wrong. It is NOT your fault. Stop blaming yourself, and let the fault go where it belongs, on HIM! Take your son, and leave! You BOTH deserve better!
Heinola
Wow Layla, sad story that unfortunately, is all too common in our society. This time? You need to confront him and let him know, if he’s that unhappy he can leave, that you just aren’t going to go through this again NOR are you going to have your son subjected to this type of betrayal, upset and dishonesty – and HE IS, a part of your family together.
He may fly off the handle, not want to go to counseling, but only YOU know what you’re willing to deal with here and only YOU can set the demand for outside intervention IF he isn’t able to speak to you. -And it does sound like counseling is definitely the only way either of you is going to get through this betrayal – and if he does not agree to that, then there is no point going on, is there?
Sincerely,
Grace
Hauta-aho
the phrase …once a cheater always a cheater..
come to mind?
kick his bum to the curb… and move on…
Haapoja
You will not make him stop cheating. That is something that he has to do by himself. You need to confront him and request that both of you see a marriage counselor. If he won’t go, you need to leave. He is no example for your 10 year old son to follow and trust me your 10 year old will figure things out sooner or later. If you are thinking about leaving, wait until you are settled. Go back to school, get your finances in order and get a plan. For your son’s sake, try to handle things with your husband as calmly as possible. Good luck.
Hamina
As others here have said, you can’t control him, you can only control your own actions. Personally, I think your best action would be to leave. I know it’s a lot harder than it sounds but your husband is determined to cheat. If you tell him you know what he’s up to online, he’s just going to hide his actions better next time or switch tactics. I’m sorry to say this, because I know how much you have invested in the marriage and in your life together, not to mention how hard it would be on your son. I really don’t see any good outcome from this. If you get out now, yes it would be difficult, but a lot less difficult than it would be, years down the road, when you’ve invested even more time in the marriage and you’re even more hurt and devastated than you are now. Good luck to you …
Jouni
Make him your “ex”…
He cheated once, you forgave him. He’s looking to do it again, what will happen if you forgive him again? He’ll keep cheating.
You don’t deserve that. Like you said, you try to take care of his needs…but he does nothing but betray you. Have you confronted him about his profile?
Jouko
Sweetheart I am sorry to say this but you can’t, stop him that is. If he really wants to go on line and do this, there is nothing you can do. I have recently been through something like this myself and believe me when I say it is a nightmare. You obviously use the computer yourself so try getting a good keylogger on, sspro does a free 7 day trial, and this is usually long enough to find out what you need to know about what is really going on. If you follow the instructions he will never know. But be prepared for what you might find, if things are as you say they are it will not be pretty. Then you will have to decide for yourself what you want to do, 12 years is a long time and hard to walk away from, but at the end of the day, if you do get him to come to his senses, you will have to decide if you can forgive him. Cheating is cheating, whether it be on line or physical, the hurt goes just as deep. Good luck love, I hope you work things out, I will be thinking of you.
HIFK
One word……D-I-V-O-R-C-E
Helvi
There is nothing you can do to stop him cheating. You can either accept what he has done or stay with him. It’s your choice.